On the Cambarian Class

Whilst writing and history are my passions, they very rarely pay the bills. For me, that's always been digital and technology work and I've been doing that since university, and the first explosion of the internet into public use in the early 2000s.

Like anyone who was doing 'web' back then, that means I built my fair share of... let's say 'non child friendly' content. That included working alongside companies making that kind of content, the people that did so, I'm having to pick my words carefully here not because I'm prudish about it, but because I don't want to trigger your filters!

Spending time around the people who work in that industry when young was a real eye-opener. It shifts your perceptions a lot. Because you see both the bad and the good (and there is both), but most importantly you meet a lot of genuinely creative and interesting people.  This is one reason (as those of you who follow me on Twitter know) I've always been vocal about my interest in how that industry has evolved. Particularly with the growth of, let's say, "self-run businesses" via Patreon at first and then beyond that into the more specialised sites that have set up to support the cosplay (and beyond) elements. Again, there's both bad and good there, but I'm fascinated with how that sits within both the modern world and, in many ways, is just a continuity of things that have happened in art since... forever. Just a bit more open about it.

Anyway, how does this relate to current writing? Well in the very first Goblin Launderette universe short, I gave Chloe (our Paladin) a throwaway line about thinking she'd make a good 'Cambarian'. As is often the case, that line played on the back of my mind. It got me thinking.

Too often in fantasy, we fall back on tired old tropes when it comes back to 'alternate' work. It's about exotic dancing, houses of ill repute, it's all very tired and - frankly - more than a bit dismissive. It's as if a bunch of fourteen year old boys set the rules on what's allowed back in the seventies and we've never questioned that. But the truth is that in a world where magic replaces technology, but people stay the same, those industries would have evolved too.

In short, we need to grow up.

Enter Tiffany in the second GobLaun (yes we're going with that portmanteau) short. It's not stated, but I knew as I wrote it that Tiffany was a Cambarian. I just still hadn't worked out what that meant.

And, to an extent, I still haven't. Right now, my plans for it are very much based on my personal experiences with performers back in the 2000s and watching the industry as an outsider since. I know I need to evolve my understanding. Ideally, that means talking to some of the new performers honestly about what goes into their work now, but I've not quite worked out who, or how to make that approach with yet. Any suggestions gratefully taken, whether it's something you do yourself or know someone who does. Or, if you've seen good, mature treatments of this work elsewhere in fantasy fiction please do let me know.

But, in the meantime, enjoy this extended (early draft) scene between Chloe and Tiffany, where our paladin learns not to judge a book by its (admittedly scantily clad) cover. It's longer than I'd normally share, but I think in this instance it's worth giving you the whole lot.

Think of it as an early christmas present, and feel free to forward it on to people. Just ask them to do me a favour and subscribe to this newsletter if they like it!

Chloe walked into the clearing and sat down on a log near the flickering fire. She found herself staring into the flames.

“Worried about your girlfriend?”

Chloe jumped. She’d been lost in her thoughts and hadn’t realised anyone else was there.

“She’s not my…” Chloe began quickly, blushing then looked up and saw Tiffany sitting cross-legged on the other side of the fire. She was smiling triumphantly.

“Knew it!”

Chloe sighed.

“Does everyone in the party know how I feel about her?” Chloe asked.

“Well it’s pretty obvious.” Tiffany replied. “I think Alan’s just too polite to mention it. If it makes you feel better, I don’t think Lex knows. He’s pretty… distracted.” She gestured at her outfit. Or rather, her general lack of one.

“How does that work, exactly?” Chloe asked, genuinely curious.

“What this? It’s basically a metal bikini. It’s not exactly high magic. I wish it was, then it might not be so uncomfortable. To be honest, this is very basic for me. But Gavin - he was the bandit leader you killed - was a bit of a traditionalist.”

“No, not that.” Chloe clarified. “You know. The whole Cambarian thing. I’ve always been slightly curious.”

“Well you’ve got the rack for it.” Tiffany said with faux-jealousy. “It’s better than mine.”

“This is what I’ve been telling people!” Chloe laughed, then pressed on. “Seriously though. What exactly do you do?”

Tiffany looked thoughtfully at Chloe for a moment.

“Okay.” She said, unfolding herself. “Close your eyes and face forward.”

Chloe looked at her, suspiciously.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything weird. Well, not that weird.” Tiffany protested. “It’s just easier to show than tell.”

Chloe closed her eyes and turned to sit squarely on the log, she felt the warmth off the fire as she turned to face it. She heard Tiffany click her fingers and waited for something to happen. A few seconds later, the air changed as Tiffany moved up close beside her. Really close. Before she could react, she felt two fingers gently left her chin and turn it to one side. Then someone kissed her lightly on the nose. Chloe squeaked in surprise. Opening her eyes with a start, she found herself looking up at Tiffany. Tiffany’s eyes were wide and innocent, her lips slightly apart. She gave a cute little giggle and clicked her fingers again. Then her expression returned to normal and she let go of Chloe’s chin.

Chloe moved to say something but Tiffany raised a finger to silence her.

“Wait. Let’s see how that came out.” She said.

Tiffany got up from beside Chloe and walked towards the fire. It was only now that the paladin spotted the small white rectangle of card, floating about four feet away, surrounded by a faint magical glow.

“I’ve no idea what this will look like.” Tiffany said, plucking it from the air and giving it a shake. “I’ve never tried backlighting with fire before. Let’s take a look and…”

She paused with her back to Chloe, watching something. Then she whistled.

“Oh that’s good. Nobody would believe we did this in one take.” She held out the piece of card to Chloe, eagerly.

Chloe took the card off her and stared down at it. On it was a near lifelike painting of her face and upper body. She looked serene and ethereal. And then, as she held it, the scene began to move. From the side of the image Tiffany moved into view, leaning forward seductively. She reached up slowly, and gently moved Chloe’s face towards her. Then there was the kiss, the squeak and the giggle.

“Good, innit?” Tiffany said, moving round to watch it over Chloe’s shoulder. I reckon I’m at least a level seven or eight Cambarian now. “I’ve only just started capturing sound, but I can do it pretty consistently now if I concentrate. I’ll know I’ve hit ten when I can do background music, too. That and longer clips. My brain starts getting fuzzy over about thirty seconds at the moment.”

Chloe looked up at her in amazement. She didn’t know what to say. Tiffany mistook this for judgement.

“I like dressing up. And I may not have as much up top as you, but I like how I look.” She said, defensively. “I don’t see why I should be ashamed of that. And if people want to pay me for little moments like these, what’s wrong with that? Men and women make money doing much worse. Nobody’s getting hurt.”

“No, Tiffany, it’s not that.” Chloe interrupted. “This is serious magic. I mean… sexy magic. But still serious magic.”

“Oh, well, thank you.” Tiffany replied. Now it was her turn to blush. “It’s not what I want to do forever. But it’s what I’m happy doing now. People pay me to dress up, or undress, but I mostly only do lewd and implied. Topless occasionally. Other girls do more, but that’s not my thing.”

“Keep that one for yourself. Or give it to Lex if you want to watch him combust.” Tiffany sniggered, as she walked back over to where she’d been sitting. She picked up her bag and held it open for Chloe to see. Inside were lots more little painted cards.

“I’m a bit behind on sending these off, as I’ve not been in a town with a post station for a while. But once we are, I’ll get them out to my patrons. Then they pay a small amount into my guild account on receipt. If I notice someone has stopped paying, they don’t get a card.”

“I didn’t realise you could…” Chloe started, then caught herself.

“What? Read and write?” Said Tiffany, absentmindedly pulling out some of her patron postage and examining them with an expert’s eye. “Why do rich people always assume poor people are stupid? There was a priest who used to visit our farm. He taught me to write when I was a girl.”

“Then he tried to grab me so I cut his fingers off.” She grinned. “Now I can write and he can’t.”

“And is this… you know… lucrative.” Chloe asked, delicately.

“Not really.” Tiffany admitted. “Buying new gear is expensive. And patrons stop paying if you wear the same stuff too much. Plus I can’t carry it all around with me, so most of it I have to give away or sell on after a while. But I enjoy it and I’m saving a bit. Like I say, I’m not stupid. I know I can’t do this forever.”

“That’s why you were getting Lex to teach you healing spells?”

“Yeah.” Said Tiffany, sitting down cross-legged by the fire again. “I don’t know what else I want to do yet. But I figure if I try everything I can, eventually I’ll find something I’m good at. I’ve asked Alan to teach me to fight better, when we get a chance.”

Chloe looked at Tiffany. Properly, she realised, for the first time.

“Why didn’t you ask me?” She asked. She suspected she already knew the answer.

For a while, Tiffany was silent and the only sound that filled the clearing was that of the fire and the forest.

“Because you don’t like me.” Tiffany eventually said, quietly.

Chloe looked down at the ground, ashamed. After a few seconds, she got up and walked over to the pile of wood Alan had gathered earlier. She went through it and selected two straight-ish sticks, about two feet long. She hefted them, feeling the weight then turned towards Tiffany.

“Catch.” She shouted, suddenly.

Tiffany instinctively caught the stick that arced through the air towards her. She looked up in surprise, to see Chloe twirling the other one in her hand.

“Get up.” The paladin said, sternly. “We’ll start with your stance.”